Scrabble Master Gifts

Oatmeal, dork. Another? That's three today. What's up? Senor Scrabble championships are tomorrow. I'm loading up. On carbs? Fiber. Key preparation for seniors. Extra gross.

"You're going to hate yourself."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'The girls must be feeling better...'

"Ok, so you beat me at scrabble!"

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

Phil uses all seven tiles in Scrabble and ascends to heaven

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

'You know darn well 'Aaargh' isn't a real word!'

"Well %$@#(&!! is not a banned word in the &%Xsing UK!"

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

'She could've given me a point or two for originality.'

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it' met its match.

Have you seen my iPhone? No. You lost it? I may have misplaced it. Big deal. You hate it. It'll turn up. Exactly, I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I especially hate the Scrabble app and I absolutely can't wait to find the phone so I can mock it further! Help: I love my iPhone. Oh dear. Trouble brewing. To be continued ...

Look, dork, I won't ask again. Will you help me use a computer? Maybe. What for? Internet Scrabble. I hear it is possible to play – what is the word? Online? I should like to send data over cyberspace. Through cyberspace.

"I don't like playing Scrabble with Gracie! She totally makes up all kinds of crazy words! And they're always in the dictionary!"

'...And then, apparently, it just went berserk when someone insisted on having 'Podcast'.'

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

Congress today convened a special panel to study use of illegal performance enhancing drugs on the senior Scrabble tour. Members of Congress expressed outrage that such a national pastime could be sullied by fiber doping. Their anger led to an angry exchange with one witness. Hey Congress, here's a four-letter word … Turn off her mic.

'How God invented polish'

Come to bed, snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points, and then told him his parents don

'Hey! We can play Scrabble while we eat!'

I'm thankful for Xbox Series X. Scrabble. The Love Doctor. Well I'm thankful for friends and family. That's what I meant. What he said. and the Love Doctor.

"Well, Martha, I certainly hope your Scrabble victories keep you warm at night!"

Schr?dinger's cat playing Scrabble.

"My wife bought me a Scrabble set for my birthday...I can't find the words to thank her!"

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

My favorite tea: Hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments.

"Would you like to squiggle here something that no-one in a MILLION years would be able to read!"

"I'm pretty sure the word you've used to describe the new Scrabble isn't allowed."

"Hardscrabble"

"No!"

Man on phone: 'Hi. My name is J8 I1 M3, and I think I'm addicted to Scrabble.'

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it's met its match.