Dream Wedding Gifts

'Let's cut to the chase- how much is it going to cost me to give my daughter away?'

You're my Mona Lisa.

Demure lady with gloves

Lesbian civil partnership.

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"You may now kiss the bride..."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"You're the lid to my pot."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

A heart shaped cake

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

We'll have Manhattans...

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

Red Letter Days - A declaration of love in public

Wedding Day Itinerary.