Dracula Gifts

'... And this is my cellar.'

(Can't) Count Dracula.

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'I pledge allegiance to the atom, and to the periodic table on which it stands, many particles indivisible, with orbitals and electrons for all.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"You're going to hate yourself."

'If you were disturbed by any issues raised, please call your mum.'

"Meet The Author"

Nathaniel Hawthorne

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Thomas Mann.

Edgar Allen Poe

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Tut and Carmen.

"Meet the author"

First Novels.

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"Do me next."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

The Bookworm