Double-lifer Pillows

I'm only a part-time waiter, I'm really an actor.

'What do you do with the time you save?'

Carbon Dating.

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

Records?

Musclesnakes just swallow the dumbbells.

Bassoon practice.

"How much is the sign?"

'Special offer today -TWO for one, sir!'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Home seller has given up after reducing price many times.

"This job's really helping me buy my car...even if it's one piece at a time."

'You're in your nineties and still fancy women?' - 'Early nineties.'

The 29p Shop

"But I'm hot on the trail of my Google doppelgänger."

Support your local bookstore

'Well, it makes me happy!'

Pound sign being cut in half.

Apples - Buy 3, Get 3 - Duh.

"They're not identical twins—they're surgical twins."

'I see you've created an online altar ego.'

"I like to think he looks like me, not vice versa."

This Week's Special Offer - Take It Or Leave It

Eventually, many dogs and dog owners begin to look alike

"In my spare time I'm a doctor."

Marriage Counselor - Another Success.

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

'I've just bought a freezer.'

Fire Sale.

When men go shopping.

Farmers' Market