Double-life Living Pillows

"In my spare time I'm a doctor."

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"So that's where you were last night."

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

"Do you know what girls want?"

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'Work, school, soccer, shopping, aside from the occassional girl's night out, today's Mom doesn't have time to sit picking ticks and fleas.'

'Are you seeing anybody?'

Affordable housing - Mum and Dads.

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

'I was told you were looking for a man of many hats.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"Is that what you're wearing?"

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

'I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home.'

David Ortiz a.k.a Big Papi

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

Dating site algorithms never die, they just get re-formulated

'I hate singles bars. It's like window shopping...you know, looking at fancy clothes on a bunch of dummies.'

"Day 973: Still no sign of Mister Right..."

Having it all All....

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

"I'm holding up a 'Do not disturb' sign in bed."

Towels: His, Her, Ex.