Doorstep Diplomat T-Shirts

'I can't go out...An uneasy standoff has developed on my doorstep between Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses...'

"What 'Do-not-knock' list?"

"Where did I learn my aggressive door-to-door sales technique? The School of Hard Knocks."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

Inclusive speech

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

Israel/Palestine Conflict

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

Career Choices

"It looks like the 'because I say so' has it."

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

HR - Helping Relationships

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"If I can't get a firm decision, I'd accept a wobbly acquiescence."