Bedroom Diplomat T-Shirts

"It's O.K., hon, it happens. It even happened to NATO."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Well, everything's going great! I guess it's time to bring in the naysayers.

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

'...It's O.K. hon', it's just the third world.'

EU

Militant Pacifists

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

"No, mom. . . it was last winter when I was skating on thin ice. This spring I'm just walking a fine line."

'And I bet the same resolution principles would work in your neighborhood conflicts.'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"Do you have to mime looking at your mobile at the dinner table Marceau?"

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'