Bedroom Diplomat Gifts

"It's O.K., hon, it happens. It even happened to NATO."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

Well, everything's going great! I guess it's time to bring in the naysayers.

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

'...It's O.K. hon', it's just the third world.'

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

Militant Pacifists

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

Who posted the hilarious pics of you with the goofy haircut? Not sure. Someone who wants to humiliate me. One of the usual cyber bullies. No. Meaner. Hmm

EU

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

"No, mom. . . it was last winter when I was skating on thin ice. This spring I'm just walking a fine line."

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'And I bet the same resolution principles would work in your neighborhood conflicts.'

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

More Excuses to Stay in Afghanistan

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"Do you have to mime looking at your mobile at the dinner table Marceau?"