Dinnertime Diplomat T-Shirts

"Yes, Jamie -- you have an insight?"

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

"No dessert until you finish your dark matter."

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

Screen Time at the Dining Table

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

Nuclear Families

"Do you have to mime looking at your mobile at the dinner table Marceau?"

Opting for Chinese food for lunch, the law partners decide in principle to share their dishes and, accordingly, before ordering, negotiate a comprehensive pre-victual agreement.

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

'It started out with lactose, but ow he's intolerant of everything.'

"Is this the table with a complaint?"

"Ambitions . . . never, ever to eat broccoli again."

'Thanks, Sis, but I think it's my turn to leave the stealth tip.'

Drunk sailor anchored to a bar.

"These family dinners have become a lot friendlier since we started wearing nametags."

"Would either of you care to look at the dessert menu, or are you still breaking up?"