Door Guardian Gifts

'Thank goodness you got here in time. Frank was going to start without you.'

"He likes it."

"For goodness sake, not again, it's day-time but we can't see the sky: It must be another oil spill..."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

Fish want out of polluted river.

"Beware of God"

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

Bottled water straight from the Potomac, Congo and Ganges. Bottled waters that never had much market share.

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

"Tempting, but I'm on a plastic cleanse this week."

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

The proper way to wear your mask

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"We wish we could drink the water."

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

Press spy infiltrates Buckingham palace dressed as a guard.

'Which end's the shallow end?'

Bashful Royal Guard

'I suppose technically you're right. But we still prefer not to think of it as a gated community.'

Save the river.

Will work for clean water.

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

Soldier With Mouse Ears.

Minnesota ground water

Dignity and Impudence.

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

I work all day landscaping. I'm too tired to do all the yard work at home. Teddy, you're big enough to use my power tools. I know exactly who to call for help. Tap tap tap. Not the power tool I was referring to.

'The neighbors called to complain about your armor squeaking again.'

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'