Domesticity Debater Pillows

"It seems your polls have slumped ever since that issue with the washing up."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

Netanyahu versus Gantz

Always Compatible

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

"If I vote my conscience, it's Sanders. If I vote my pocketbook, it's Trump. If I vote my emotions, it's Hillary. If I vote my anger, it's Cruz..."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'I can lash out at you, unlike with other girls.'

I can have any woman I please - trouble is, these days they're almost impossible to please.

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

Passing the baton

'Wow! Can't you just feel the safe-ness!'

Voice of the GOP

"You spend years waiting for any politician to pay you the slightest attention!"

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

Cornucopia of guns

'My wife was psychic and divorced me over an affair I hadn't had yet.'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

Benchwarmer.

Desk Organizers: 'He Said' and 'She Said'.

'I didn't even know she was angry until she started shooting.'

Elections 2020

"Any church that requires a fire hydrant is admitting it's a fraud."

Dem/Ind/GOP

"Did you say something? I thought I heard a sound bite."

'Shall I fry it or flush it?'

Oval Office Reflection