Domesticity Debater Pillows

"It seems your polls have slumped ever since that issue with the washing up."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

Netanyahu versus Gantz

Always Compatible

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

"If I vote my conscience, it's Sanders. If I vote my pocketbook, it's Trump. If I vote my emotions, it's Hillary. If I vote my anger, it's Cruz..."

The Clinton Campaign, post-mid-September

"You might want to save that for your blog."

Darn it, you're touching my half of the loveseat again. (Published originally on Feb. 20, 2008.)

Move Right

'I can lash out at you, unlike with other girls.'

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

I can have any woman I please - trouble is, these days they're almost impossible to please.

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

"You spend years waiting for any politician to pay you the slightest attention!"

Cornucopia of guns

'Wow! Can't you just feel the safe-ness!'

What?

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, Do you agree with Rudy Giuliani? He said the president doesn't love America, because he's always apologizing for it and finding fault with it. Thoughts? *Actual reader question. Sounds EXACTLY like love to me. My husband would disagree, but don't mind him, he's just a quarrelsome know-it-all. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Passing the baton

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

'My wife was psychic and divorced me over an affair I hadn't had yet.'

Voice of the GOP

'I didn't even know she was angry until she started shooting.'

Benchwarmer.

Desk Organizers: 'He Said' and 'She Said'.

Dem/Ind/GOP

"Did you say something? I thought I heard a sound bite."

Elections 2020

"Any church that requires a fire hydrant is admitting it's a fraud."

'Shall I fry it or flush it?'