Domesticity Champion Gifts

This copyright graffiti an't comin' off,

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

A crowd of happy pet owners.

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Why did the chicken cross the road?'

Mother pushes twins on a double-decker swing.

Fathers are Heroes

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

The apartment 5-J Film Festival.

Anal Retentives Assoc.

'Don't think of sweeping as a chore. Consider it practice for the Olympic Curling Team.'

'I came untucked.'

'Dear, I think the plants need watering.'

"I admire your devotion to duty."

'What I like most about my mom is that she always supersizes her hugs.'

"It seems your polls have slumped ever since that issue with the washing up."

Why do you always get to ash and I always have to dry?

MOMumental Achievements.

'Is something wrong, dear? -- you're home on time for dinner!'

Wedding Cake with groom hoovering

'You have a comfortable home, three beautiful children, a husband who is devoted to you - what could you possibly want with nuclear capability?'

"Yea, mom, knows everything...she's momnipotent."

"My hair didn't turn out right. Here's a link to a photo of how I wanted it to look."

'Honestly, they grow so quickly these days.'

'You know what? I agree with my son's opinion of you.'

He was raised by a pack of wolves, and the cleaning lady who came in twice a month.

"I don't care if this is the kid cave, Robert. Pick up your stuff."

'There is no point in having a spoon rest on the counter for the coffee stirrer, if you're not going to use it!'

"It's your own fault! Remember when I told you to wash that shirt in cold water?"

Things my vacuum cleaner likes to suck up

Whole family rushing to see a newly laid egg

'I just wish she wouldn't walk us to school.'

'HEYYY! That's new CARPET,you JERK!!' - Life in the fast lane.

A man enters house wearing a sandwich board, which reads: Hi honey I'm home.