Domestic Multitasker Pillows

"Talk to me while I ignore you."

I'd clean this place up in 10 minutes. Yeah right. What's that you say? I fold laundry in my sleep. You're talking crazy to a man who can hem his wife's stockings while baking bread. Listen up close. Before my wife got home today, I scrubbed the bathroom tile, made a peach pie, sent out thank-you notes, fixed the kids grilled cheese and repotted the begonia. Now what do you think of that, pansy!? How liberated men compete. Don't make me knit something! I will get busy on you with a dust buster.

"...I've only got four pairs of hands you know"

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

Hassled Mother.

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

"Slowly begin to reawaken the body with thoughts of unread E-mails, piles of dirty laundry, and the kids you have to pick up from school."

Handbag: But You Have Kids and a Dog/But Have Kids

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

Homeschooling

A little boy is crawling through a sandbox towards his mother as though he were dying of thirst in a desert.

Studying and technology

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

"You wouldn't believe how many patients he sees in a single day!"

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

Having It All

"What?!"

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

In the great green room there was a pot of coffee and a red-eyed dad, too. Good Morning Moon.

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

'I spent today with out spindoctor, and boy, am I dizzy.'

I'm ego surfing right now, looking up my name on different search engines.