Domestic Task Multitasker Pillows

"I prefer sawn-off arrows. They double up as knitting needles for the wife.2

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

Hassled Mother.

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

"Slowly begin to reawaken the body with thoughts of unread E-mails, piles of dirty laundry, and the kids you have to pick up from school."

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

Homeschooling

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

Having It All

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

"...I've only got four pairs of hands you know"

'I spent today with out spindoctor, and boy, am I dizzy.'

"What?!"

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

'Who's gonna tell her she's wearing two different shoes?'

'I'm a communication expert because I can eat crisps, drink beer, read the news and talk to my wife while watching TV!'

Stroller Cellphone

'So you could say 'I'm wearing two hats'.'

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'