Domestic Life Analyzer Gifts

"If it's all random, why are you always here?"

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Crap from the future.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

Viking sitting patiently while his wife winds her wool on his helmets horns to sort it out.

Modern Life Blues

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"I'm afraid this whole experiment is about to go south."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

How it started: How it's going

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

"Very funny."

"Can I call you back? We're having our favorite argument."

'In Grandma's time, men were hunters, while women were cleaners and shoppers. Now daddy and mommy are both hunters, but on wekends, mommy still cleans and shops, while daddy is a golfer.'

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"Has your mother called yet on the international situation?"

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

'I'm his best friend, until his wife walks in.'

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

"Because you always do that with your fingers."

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

Street sign: 'Life gets even more complicated here to corner.'

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

"He looks so natural."

A man opens his curtains to wake up his cats.

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

'Of course I love having you around. Before you were born, I was the only one your mother yelled at.'

'She never stays mad at me for long.'

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

"We have very little need these days to employ a cudgel."

"Pop-up prison."