Domestic Life Observer Gifts

"Your back is killing me!"

'Your copy of 'Bitter Housewife Monthly' arrived.'

'George, there you are!'

"If you knew how irritating that is , when I'm trying to read, you wouldn't do it, Norman."

"I've told you, the bottom of the toaster is always full of bread crumbs..."

"She's had an accident in the kitchen, so I know what I'll be getting for dinner."

'When it comes to sex, he's just like an animal. A beached whale to be precise. '

'Don't worry about things around the house. I hired a live-in maid.'

'Be careful when you step on the scale, dear. I wouldn't want you to break it.'

'Prepare yourself for a shock.'

'Make your mind up dear - Do you want me to talk rubbish, or just take it out?'

Angry wife has doctor on standby.

'My plants are dead Have you been listening to Rush Limbaugh while I was shopping'

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

Parrot Demands

"You used to treat me like a child. What's happened?"

'I'm his best friend, until his wife walks in.'

"He's much more domesticated since I cut off his testicles."

"In local news, 'Hapless Husband Trapped in Loveless Marriage.'"

"I want a divorce, dinner's ready, and I'm shrinking. Let me know if any of that piques your interest."

"Honestly, do you HAVE to open a window every time you close the door?"

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

How’d my dang teeth get in there? Cuz you been drinkin’ out of the milk carton again.

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

"Look, honey, they're erecting a statue of you in the park—oh, now they're taking it down."

"I noticed you've packed the gallery with your relatives."

"Has your mother called yet on the international situation?"

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"It's his emotional support animal."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'Long shift?'

What are we doing today? Installing raised beds. Then we'll plant them for a couple who want organic vegetables. Brilliant, Dad. Tree's Tree Nursery. You take the hard work out of gardening. Right. And give it to me! Right again!

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'