Dorm Life Analyst Gifts

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Crap from the future.

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

Modern Life Blues

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

Student Food Pyramid

Postcards from Heaven...

"If it's all random, why are you always here?"

"Remember, son, no matter what happens to you, we intend to always keep your room at home exactly as it is right now...empty."

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

"Very funny."

"Thanks Mum, but I prefer to use twitter to enlarge the microcosms of daily life."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"I hope your day is going bad."

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

Damned if you do...

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

"Honey, I'm home."