Dorm Life Analyst Pillows

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Crap from the future.

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

Modern Life Blues

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

Postcards from Heaven...

Student Food Pyramid

"If it's all random, why are you always here?"

"Enjoy university darling, and don't come back during the holidays, we're going to air BnB your room."

"Remember, son, no matter what happens to you, we intend to always keep your room at home exactly as it is right now...empty."

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"Very funny."

"Thanks Mum, but I prefer to use twitter to enlarge the microcosms of daily life."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

Damned if you do...

"Honey, I'm home."

"I hope your day is going bad."

'Edward de Vere? -- give me a break!'