Dorm Life Explorer Pillows

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"Did you get my tweet?"

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

Student Food Pyramid

"Enjoy university darling, and don't come back during the holidays, we're going to air BnB your room."

"Remember, son, no matter what happens to you, we intend to always keep your room at home exactly as it is right now...empty."

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"Can I call you back? We're having our favorite argument."

'In Grandma's time, men were hunters, while women were cleaners and shoppers. Now daddy and mommy are both hunters, but on wekends, mommy still cleans and shops, while daddy is a golfer.'

"Goodnight cerebellum, goodnight hippocampus, goodnight little neurons that jump to synapses, goodnight medulla, prefrontal cortex, with the pills that I take it won't be complex."

Did you clean the loose snakes out of the shower drain? Medusa's husband.

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

Danger Quicksand

People crossing the street while texting use white canes.

"I love talking to you about my problems. We should do a podcast."

Student rakes leaveslaundry in dorm room.

'Oversensitive Car Alarm'

'Please tell me there's more to this than this.'

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

"The latest version of your life is now available to download."

"How much would it cost if I don't take classes but just live in a dorm with a meal plan?"

'She never stays mad at me for long.'

"What's the right age to tell a child that she's ironic?"

Nowadays when we say 'front yard', we mean it literally.

The Freelance Life.

"A tattoo? You're kidding. It sure looks like a suit."

"Thankfully, college is preparing us for unemployment."

"You think you're angry? I'll show you angry!"

I can't sleep! 3:07. I can't get up. I feel so all alone.