Domestic Diva Laugh Gifts

"...And do you, Sharon, promise to clean up all household excreta..."

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Balancing work and family

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"I had to skip my workout."

Ironing day.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

Washing Line Walker

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"Mulch madness"

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."