Domestic Dialogue Expert Gifts

"My wife's a magician . . . she can turn anything into an argument."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Meet the Enemy

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

Always Compatible

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

"Hitler Stalin pact in the Arabian jackal desert"

"What happened to what cat?"

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

'Well, if you insist on using logic I see little point in continuing this argument.'

'I didn't even know she was angry until she started shooting.'

"Did you say something? I thought I heard a sound bite."

'I'll tell you what mister - I'll lose ten pounds and stop nagging, the same day you act your age, cleanup after yourself, cook your own food and get a brain in that fat head.'

"The nomenclature of 'political correctness' is devisive and opens the profession to ridicule!"

The Manager's Wife.

'Shall I fry it or flush it?'

"Have we got time for a quick argument before our programme starts..?"

Contest time. Mort and Sadie, our ornery octogenarians, have decided to rename Rudy's generation. Mort favors Generation I - for impatient. Sadie prefers Generation V - for virtual. Or vapid! What do you think? Please send your own ideas to asksadieshow@gmail.com. C'mon people, get thinkin'!

'You're in my light!'

Going Shopping Together.

Secret Family Recipe for Disaster.

"The participants of the following programme 'politicians in dialogue' will be presented by pestile food. . . ."

'...and don't you dare turn the volume up at me!'

'You KNOW I'm not ready to be tied down with marriage! Hey...is my laundry done yet, and what's for dinner?'

"Surely I'm allowed an opinion!"

"...I do, providing he washes dishes...irons...hoovers...dusts and polishes..."

Man umpires a fight with his wife.

"We also argue about which way the toilet paper roll should hang."

"Your bible says disobedient children should be stoned to death. Won't you agree that capital punishment is an improper parenting technique?"

"You are so stubborn!"

'Andy, you can be honest with me. Do you think I'd make a good manager?' - 'Why couldn't she just ask me if I like her hairstyle.'

"The willful suspension of logic and reason...that's the problem with the world today!"