Dialogue Specialist Gifts

'Drop dead. Well that's a good start to our union negotiations.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Meet the Enemy

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

Ruddy bloggers!

Exciting potato bugs.

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'Hi! I'm on the tree.'

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

'My father is very hard to communicate with ? he only knows nouns and interjections.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

"Oh...Hi Bob, listen buddy, I'm in a meeting right now, I'll Caw you back."

'So you still can't get a sound engineer then?'

'What's the concept? I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Ms. Harris.'

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"Yo, how's it swinging?"

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

"I just tweeted a chirp."

"I love my new texting app, it automatically selects peoples preferred pronouns."

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

Can you mumble, mumble mumble? You're mumbling. What are you saying? I'm asking for your mumble, mumble. You're asking for my help? I can't get the word out. Can I get a little mumble? Mumble.

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'