Dogs Gifts

"Yes, I came back. I always come back."

"Lassie! Get help!!"

"Yes, I'm talking to you. I believe you're the only Sparky in the house."

"What I like most about being a dog is all the free time."

"Howard, I think the dog wants to go out."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

Quiz for dogs.

Taking the dog for a walk.

"Is there any chance of getting my testicles back?"

"For Heaven's sake, why don't you go outdoors and trace something?"

"Not guilty, because puppies do these things."

A dog sits at her typwriter

Dog Food Groups

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'You have just one more wish. Are you sure you want another belly-rub?'

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

"Did you or did you not employ a leash to drag your cairn terrier, Jack, away from the corner of Park Avenue and Sixty-fifth Street in spite of his making every effort to clearly indicate to you that he wished to stay where he was?"

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

Dogs have name tags on their rear ends.

"Surprise!"

"O.K., just one more and then I've got to get on with my life."

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

"I'm starting to really like the smell of cocaine."

"The applications are limitless."

A fire hydrant pees on a dog.

Why dogs make the best Valentines

"Are they still following us?"

"They were, sitting around the dinner table, knocking off a bottle of Côtes-du-Rhône and blathering about the Middle East – you've never heard such shallow, simplistic reasoning in your life – and one of them turns to me and says, "And what do you think, Barney? What do you think we should do?' and all I could come up with was 'Woof'. I felt like such an ass."

"Perhaps we're overthinking the situation."

"We need to talk about your diet."

"Sorry for the racket... there are billions of dogs up here, and they get a little excited when someone's at the gate."

"Is that all you can think about?"

"The father belonged to some people who were driving through in a Packard."

"Jimmy Choo, Mahnolo Blahnik- honestly can't taste the difference."

Christmas Puppy Bow