Dogs Gifts

"Yes, I came back. I always come back."

"Lassie! Get help!!"

"Yes, I'm talking to you. I believe you're the only Sparky in the house."

"What I like most about being a dog is all the free time."

"Howard, I think the dog wants to go out."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

Quiz for dogs.

Taking the dog for a walk.

"Is there any chance of getting my testicles back?"

"Until now, I never understood why you got so excited when someone walked past the house."

"For Heaven's sake, why don't you go outdoors and trace something?"

"Not guilty, because puppies do these things."

A dog sits at her typwriter

Dog Food Groups

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'You have just one more wish. Are you sure you want another belly-rub?'

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

"Did you or did you not employ a leash to drag your cairn terrier, Jack, away from the corner of Park Avenue and Sixty-fifth Street in spite of his making every effort to clearly indicate to you that he wished to stay where he was?"

Dogs have name tags on their rear ends.

"Surprise!"

"O.K., just one more and then I've got to get on with my life."

"I'm starting to really like the smell of cocaine."

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

A fire hydrant pees on a dog.

"The applications are limitless."

Why dogs make the best Valentines

"Perhaps we're overthinking the situation."

"Are they still following us?"

"They were, sitting around the dinner table, knocking off a bottle of Côtes-du-Rhône and blathering about the Middle East – you've never heard such shallow, simplistic reasoning in your life – and one of them turns to me and says, "And what do you think, Barney? What do you think we should do?' and all I could come up with was 'Woof'. I felt like such an ass."

"Sorry for the racket... there are billions of dogs up here, and they get a little excited when someone's at the gate."

"We need to talk about your diet."

"Is that all you can think about?"

"Jimmy Choo, Mahnolo Blahnik- honestly can't taste the difference."

"The father belonged to some people who were driving through in a Packard."