Dogma Dodger Gifts

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Is it true that all cats are free thinkers? Yeah, we can't stand dogma.

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

Religion, This End Up

"The answer is NO!"

Thank You For Not Giving Me Your Views About Brexit

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

'Sorry, I can't talk now, Mr. Harris, I'm texting right now! I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me.'

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

Trying to come up with yet another password...

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"Get ready to duck...we're caught in a departmental crossfire."

'Look, I'm a goat, not an elephant. I really don't want to debate politics during the game...'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'That's why your checkbook balance looks so good. You sent all of your online bills to the junk file.'

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"Up to now, I feel my childhood experience has been a very positive one! Why spoil it with some silly rules?"

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

"Must be question time again."

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"