Doggy Diet Enthusiast Gifts

"Frankly, I'm pretty satisfied with my diet."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

"Can I have a doggie bag to go?"

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

Obesity Report

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

'This one is very effective. It sounds just like a can opener.'

"How did you cure your dog of begging for food?"

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

'Rover is sulking because he helped bag the goose and all he gets for dinner is dog food.'

"Ready to head back?"

"See, I told you he didn't want to go out."

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

'The scientific explanation is that the universe expands exponentially, and your body is expanding with it.'

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'