Doggy Diet Expert Gifts

'I'm going to dispense a case of reducing diet for her....

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

"How did you cure your dog of begging for food?"

'This one is very effective. It sounds just like a can opener.'

"See, I told you he didn't want to go out."

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

'Sorry, chubs, but those little circles you do before lying down don't cut it as exercise.'

The Catkins Diet

'You reach an age where shredded homework is a lot easier to digest.'

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

'I pity the poor schlub whose job it is to make that call.'

'I'm putting Babs on a diet. She's more paunch than pooch.'

"This is our new product consultant."

Dog Food Groups

'Nothing but veggies...we gotta learn to read.'

Chiropractor and Veterinarian.

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'It's important to watch the amount of iron in his diet, too much and he'll only point north.'

"I think that new dog food gives him gas!"

Parping dog.

"Lemme guess. Kibble."

No caption. (Dog delivery man delivers a box labeled "Scraps" to dog customer.)

Mature Cat Formula.

Man reading dog food can: Contains beef and beef by-products.

'I hope you're not selling something. Rex doesn't like salespeople.'

'So you want two opposable thumbs so you can open your own dogfood?'

"Not only do these new treats taste like table scraps, they're also good for you."

"I told you it was a waste of time, it's a vegan home."

"Frankly, I'm pretty satisfied with my diet."

"I must not eat pies off the path, I must not eat pies off the path..."

Limits of Canine Philosophical Inquiry.

'A case of V/D prescription diet, please!'