Doggie Dietitian Gifts

Dog Food Groups

"See, I told you he didn't want to go out."

'Sorry, chubs, but those little circles you do before lying down don't cut it as exercise.'

'This one is very effective. It sounds just like a can opener.'

Parping dog.

"I told you it was a waste of time, it's a vegan home."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

Dog Food

"Can I have a doggie bag to go?"

'They sent me home from school because my lunch was out of compliance.'

"How did you cure your dog of begging for food?"

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

The Catkins Diet

'Mom, I don't care how high in fiber they are. Broccoli flakes are going to fail as a breakfast cereal.'

'You reach an age where shredded homework is a lot easier to digest.'

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"No, I said 'sit'."

Paleo-to-go

"I don't want to bust your diet so we're having turkey franks and pumpkin yogurt."

"Worms."

"Find another place to dump that crap. This stall is occupied."

Clancy: Diets

Life in a food desert.

"He still isn't paper trained, but I got him rug trained."

'Nothing but veggies...we gotta learn to read.'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

The company gym's down the hall, but your resolve will be tested by running the gauntlet of snack machines.

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

"I think that new dog food gives him gas!"

No caption. (Dog delivery man delivers a box labeled "Scraps" to dog customer.)