Doggy Date Planner Pillows

'I take it your romantic dinner isn't going well. . .'

'Meet me at our regular watering hole.'

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

'I'm ready! You ready?...You ready?'

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"That's the last time I invite the boys round..."

"The usual. Dinner and a show...He bought dinner and I put on a show for him."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'My boyfriend is meeting me when I hit the ground.'

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

'I'm not complaining, but the last time you took me out to dinner, Colonel Sanders was a brunette!'

'Look - forget I asked if you were free any evenings...'

Jasper wasn't used to dealing with snowstorms before winter, let alone before Halloween...

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

'This beeper goes off when it's my Birthday. This beeper goes off on the day we met. This beeper goes off on Valentine's Day...'

"Once I finish obedience school, I plan to stray around Europe for a year."

"Sorry, my mum asked me to babysit my brother at the last minute..."

"Okay, the first rule of rolling in s***e club is no one talks about rolling in s***e club."

'Your double Impresso sir.'

"Yes, he’s very excited to meet your Fifi."

"I borrowed it from my neighbor, he's a big tennis guy."

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

Friends began to feel that Gina was only dating Howard as a father figure.

"Let's go back to my place. That way, I'll already be home."

"I'm torn. Love the brand exposure, hate the objectification."

"Sure, I'd love to go to the museum. It's the perfect place to kill time, until we figure out where to go for lunch."

I've disproved the law of averages. I asked 200 pretty girls out on a date and not 1 of them said yes.'

''Udate.com'... well I bet THAT's work related.'

'Outside, they let me off the leash only to fetch the paper. It's sort of a work-release program.'