Doggie Joke Teller Pillows

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

'She's just great with the children.'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"Now turn your head and bark."

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

Pet owner pours out contents of treats for dog that are oddly shaped. Box titled: 'Funny Bones'.

Dog Training.

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

"She never took to the leash."

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

"The dog wants out again!"

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

"My human can't tell which end is which."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'

"Gas was passed, you get the blame, that's the system."

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

Employees Must Lick Themselves Before Returning to Work.

House with 'Dog For Sale' sign. Cat walks by holding 'Good Riddance' sign.

'Oh no, they're back!'

'I know I should be thankful I have a good home, but if he talks baby talk to me one more time, I swear I'll go for his throat.'

'When did you teach him to play dead?'

'It's a shaggy dog storey.'

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

'I've decided it's worth forsaking my reputation as man's best friend for this opportunity to tell you I've always hated you with a passion.'

'You'd better come in while I phone the mail order bride company and tell them there's been a mistake.'