Doggie Joke Teller Pillows

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

'She's just great with the children.'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'I'd like to return this, please.'

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

Pet owner pours out contents of treats for dog that are oddly shaped. Box titled: 'Funny Bones'.

Dog Training.

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

"She never took to the leash."

"The dog wants out again!"

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

"My human can't tell which end is which."

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

Employees Must Lick Themselves Before Returning to Work.

'Oh no, they're back!'

"Gas was passed, you get the blame, that's the system."

House with 'Dog For Sale' sign. Cat walks by holding 'Good Riddance' sign.

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

'I know I should be thankful I have a good home, but if he talks baby talk to me one more time, I swear I'll go for his throat.'

'You'd better come in while I phone the mail order bride company and tell them there's been a mistake.'

'I've decided it's worth forsaking my reputation as man's best friend for this opportunity to tell you I've always hated you with a passion.'

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

'It's a shaggy dog storey.'