Dog Trainer With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

"He would rather die than salivate!"

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

'I bet he starts with a joke!'

Good Dog!

"Bad dog!"

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'I do some light mousework for them in return for room and board.'

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

"I'm getting a little itchy to redo the bedroom!"

"Here he comes! Don't move."

Dog Training For The Ninties

Puppy school vs. kitten school

"Tonight I'm going to bury this sucker so far underground he'll never find it."

Bad Dog

'Better get used to it. I was just appointed to nine life terms to the bench.'

The Haunted Dog House

"I never liked dogs in any of my previous lives either."

Too late they realized they'd awarded 1st place to a mop.

Genius Parrot

Crufts "If you can read this you are too close"

"Tinkles where's Timmy?"

'And in a landslide, the winner of the 'Waking Up Your Owner' race...'

"Here's what you do when you're kenneled: find the biggest dog in the joint and kick his #!@*."

101 uses of a dead cat: shoe brush

"Smoking causes cancer in humans. I'm canine."

'Do you extract teeth?'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

'I'll donate them to ANYONE but a DOG.'