Dog Park Strategists T-Shirts

"And just remember: Daddy got you out of that nasty pet store because he hopes you'll act really cute and friendly in the park, especially around attractive, single women."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"A little help, please."

"This is so fun - I've been wagging my tail so much my cheeks hurt!"

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

"Humans are strange."

"Cheers mate, you've done me a solid."

'I am SO getting my ass kicked at the dog park.'

"Take a right at Rocky's fire hydrant. A left at Duke's bench and the dog part will be one block past buddy's tree."

Upper East Side Dog Park

"Sorry - my dog is at the vet. This one is a loaner."

"I yip, therefore I am."

'Oh there you are...you naughty girl! What have you been up to this time?'

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

"Is your dog friendly?!"

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'It's nice to meet you Otto. Your scent precedes you.'

"Who wants to go to the park and find me a date?"

Owner "He won't stop pulling" Dog "Hey Babe fancy get on down at my pad?"

Male dog taking a toilet break.

Dog Teenagers

"It's David."

"Hey. That's my Roscoe. I always thought he liked that game."

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

"He's into binge fetching."