Dog Kisser Gifts

"If he wants to kiss dogs, let him kiss dogs."

Bitchbark Canoe

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Pick me!"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"He was overly socialized as a puppy."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

Licensed Therapist

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Barks in code.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

Cats may love you, but dogs go all the way.

Canine Companion

'Bert's dog training.'

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Now I really hate poetry."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting