Dog Bedtime Storyteller Gifts

Woman reads bedtime stories to her dog.

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Dog Nightmares

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'She's just great with the children.'

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Name your sources."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'