Doctor's Office Wit Gifts

'Its your archeries'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"So, Tom from accounting—you remember Tom, right? Anyway, Tom yells 'TMI, Gail!' Can you believe he said that?" "Textbook Tom."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

Revolving Doors Ltd. - 'He's in, out, in, out ...'

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

'Aside from being a jackass, is there anything else that would qualify you for a position in management?'

"It appears you have medication forgetfulness disorder, which, as you can imagine, is untreatable."

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

'House calls?...Dr. Latrobe doesn't even make phone calls!'

'Perhaps we should start off with an underwear transplant.'

Spock visits the Orthopedics

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

Receptionist to patients in waiting room: 'The doctor will be with you tomorrow as he believes that time heals all wounds.'

"Can we count on you to give our customers added value?"

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

Office talk: 'I deal with stress management the easy way, I let management get stressed while I take it easy!'

Outingpatient

"Where does it hurt?"

"This is an octagon after cutbacks."

'I'm pretty sure that you have something that is difficult to pronounce.'

'That Doctor has a lot of nerve...I've waited six weeks for this appointment and he says, 'you're lucky we caught it in time'.'

"The doctor will see you now Mrs. Levin. Please try not to bother him with your aches and pains!"

Once, the doctor actually saw me on time. It felt like a huge wait had been lifted from my shoulders.

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

'It started with a headache, but not I've got a bedsore from sitting so long in this waiting room!'