Doctor's Office Regular Gifts

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

"Where does it hurt?"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'Its your archeries'

"Janet, please. I'm calling the vet's office to check their lost and found. That's the last place I saw my nuts."

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'Tell me about your feelings of alienation.'

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

'I'm beset by self-doubt! BESET I TELL YOU!'

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

'No Sandra, I don't hear a whistle either. '

'You're away, Doc!'

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"Relax. You might feel a little pinch."

'Tell you what; I'll give you the lollipop and I'll give you the shot.'

"By the time we go in, I'll be too old for a pediatrician."

Taking blood pressure

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

"Now where was I?"

Medical Exam

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

Receptionist to patients in waiting room: 'The doctor will be with you tomorrow as he believes that time heals all wounds.'

"I've been waiting here so long I think I'm cured."

"The doctor will be right with me. . ."