Doctor Jokes Collector Pillows

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Lactose Intolerant

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Suffering from Cooties?

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Useless add-ons.

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

My daddy ate my homework

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Shark infested custard!

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Cheating Death.

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

"Turn your head and cough."

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'