Doctor Comedy Buff Gifts

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

World Cup Fever

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

"I'm Stuck" Proctologist

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver

'Doctor please come quick! His fever has gone from medium rare to well done!'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

'Hold it!'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

'I had this two years ago.'

A diuretic! Are you sure about this?

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

"It'll have to stay on until your vasectomy heals..."

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

Calm down...this is for your own good.

'We've not met, but I'm your keyhole surgeon.'

Medicare: More is Better!

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

Ah. I knew you were going to say that. You people are so predictable.

'Three, two, one. Stand clear.'

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.