Do-gooder With Dark Humor Pillows

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

"I thought you wanted me to change."

Charles Addams.

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

"From this you make a living?"

Bureau of the Damned

Well, there you go. I guess it isn't "Feed a cold, starve a fever."

Set of scales with white family on one side and black people on the other.

'Making virtue its own reward isn't EITHER a cop-out!'

Pranking Zombies

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

'Oh, you know, the usual...just working.'

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

'Well, that's a helluva great business plan... What have you done before you founded a management consultancy, Mr... umh... Smith?'

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

"Seems like all of Nancy’s nonprofit work is going to her head."

'Let's set aside the role as the 'Bringer of Death' and explore your desire to dance,'

'He said there's a 40-minute wait for non-smoking.'

'So do I get the job or not?'

"No, I don't mind if you peek,' said the mystery writer to the next victim.

'We've given you a brain scan and we can't find anything.'

"I am now cutting all my rude remarks about the patient from her file."

"Yes, we're a charity tackling skyrocketing income inequality, but we're also a charity that should be saying 'I love my billionaire finder.'"

'We've got a problem - They're starting to enjoy it.'

'Hello Novelty Shop. About that rubber knife you sold me.'

BOO

"This is my favourite part!"

'Really? We've only been here thirty minutes? Heck, it seems like an eternity.'

'Why are you here now?!'

"I thought I knew evil, but you have to hand it to these advertising guys."

"This is a Soul Card. We deduct a small monthly fee, and you get your looks back as long as there is a positive balance."

"Hardscrabble"

"Well this is a shock. I had you pictured in solids."

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

The Fifth Annual Crow Convention - "If you ask me, I reckon it looks like a murder!"