Diy Home Reno Fan Gifts

'No, not disappointed - I think I just hadn't realised the meaning of the term kitchen island.'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'Guess what I've got for lunch today...a piece of my wife's delicious rum cake.'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

Desert Island Mishap

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

A baby using a heavy duty drill

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'Well for crying out loud, why didn't you do that when I asked you?!!'

'Still having problems finding day care?'

Scientists building a tower

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'It says for best work out to dismantle and reassemble.'

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

A cock up of builders

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

'arrrgh! home haircut disaster.'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Shall I kiss it better?"

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

'Well, that does not yet look like a wall. Try it again, Liam!'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

"Can you spare a few bricks ... I'm learning Karate."

'Love your renovations.'

"My Dad made it himself but I get the feeling he's never seen 'Iron Man'."

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

'Jimmy, what are you doing? The whole house will fall apart!'

Mower Repair

"If we remove the stalactites and replace some rocks, we could flip it for a profit."

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

Home Improvement Programme - "I'm afraid your teenage son will have to go."