Diy Defenders Pillows

'Storm'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

Putting Practice.

Kiwi Ingenuity

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

'How are you doing on your side?'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"OK, now I want everybody to put their hands together and make something with tools!"

"It's your turn, kid."

'I see you opened it yourself, but there'll still be a service charge.'

'Underground cartoonist'

'This is my toughest soldier -- He's been through Mom's vacuum cleaner eight times!'

'Forget what it looks like now. Think of what it will look like after you've put 10 years of loving care and back-breaking labor into it.'

"Betty, I'm dying to see what you've knitted me for my birthday."

'Why don't you put that little black belt thingy to good use, and karate chop me a couple of shelves for the hall closet!'

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

Husband - 'Honey, the Vandamyer's are here!' Wife - 'I'll be down in a minute dear! I'm just polishing my nails.' (Woman polishing metal nails).

Door to door salesman sees sign: 'We have everything.'

"I don't know which soundbar the neighbor is using, but I wish they would turn it down a bit."

"He's making a retirement statement - he's burning all his DIY books."

'We come in pieces.'

"I've covered my throat with an extra hot mix of wasabi and chilly paste: he got a nasty shock when he went for my jugular..."

One way of making sure your sandwich bag stays securely closed.

Pulling a Sickie.

'All of those 'home lawyer' books are really beginning to take their toll on our business.'

"I didn't learn any more than she did...and my junk worked!"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'I don't know if I like him hanging around with that chainsaw neighbor.'