Diy Destroyer Pillows

'I see you opened it yourself, but there'll still be a service charge.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

' I see Brad's playing his new video game again.'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

'Storm'

"Does it have a chapter on using the phone to call someone who can do it right?"

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

Born To Raise Dirt

Stuff Broken

Wallpaper Music

Watching TV through window - "You should have measured the doorway first."

'Forget what it looks like now. Think of what it will look like after you've put 10 years of loving care and back-breaking labor into it.'

'Delete - delete - delete.'

"I couldn't work out how to assemble my wardrobe - then suddenly, it all fitted together..."

Husband - 'Honey, the Vandamyer's are here!' Wife - 'I'll be down in a minute dear! I'm just polishing my nails.' (Woman polishing metal nails).

Apparently she's building a 'red room of pain'....

'Oh no. Another major decision on what sort of HVAC system to install?'

'The directions were easy to understand...until you got past step 2.'

'We come in pieces.'

"He's making a retirement statement - he's burning all his DIY books."

'Ripping furniture to shreds doesn't turn me on anymore. What I'd like to get my claws on is somebody's reputation.'

'It looks like I'm finally going to break 70.. this is my 69th club I've broken.'

Watson's Hardware: We Repair What Your Husband Fixed.

"Huh? What patch didn't take?"

Computer Game Director.

'All of those 'home lawyer' books are really beginning to take their toll on our business.'

'Is this the first time he's got 180?'

'This is my husband,I want you to stop selling him stuff....'

'I've checked the commandments, one is missing.'

'have you broken all of your Christmas presents yet?'

Sweeping

"Darling! - did you know your books are crooked..?"