Diy Defender Pillows

'All of those 'home lawyer' books are really beginning to take their toll on our business.'

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

Putting Practice.

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

Wall Street lights the American Dream on fire while citizens try to burn Wall Street.

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Escher flat-pack furniture

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'Storm'

"OK, now I want everybody to put their hands together and make something with tools!"

"Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You OK in there?" "I think I'm dying here." "What? D'you need me to call 911?" "I don't think that'll help." "I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city." "Get off your phone!!!" "I'm saving a kingdom here! It's important!"

"It's your turn, kid."

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

Droplet with a pencil.

'This is my toughest soldier -- He's been through Mom's vacuum cleaner eight times!'

'I see you opened it yourself, but there'll still be a service charge.'

'Underground cartoonist'

'Forget what it looks like now. Think of what it will look like after you've put 10 years of loving care and back-breaking labor into it.'

Once a pirate always a pirate!

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

Husband - 'Honey, the Vandamyer's are here!' Wife - 'I'll be down in a minute dear! I'm just polishing my nails.' (Woman polishing metal nails).

Apparently she's building a 'red room of pain'....

'Why don't you put that little black belt thingy to good use, and karate chop me a couple of shelves for the hall closet!'

'We come in pieces.'

"He's making a retirement statement - he's burning all his DIY books."

"I don't know which soundbar the neighbor is using, but I wish they would turn it down a bit."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Pulling a Sickie.

"I didn't learn any more than she did...and my junk worked!"

"So I'm quietly minding my own business and suddenly my parents barge in and thrust greatness upon me!"