Diy Defender Pillows

'All of those 'home lawyer' books are really beginning to take their toll on our business.'

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

Putting Practice.

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

Wall Street lights the American Dream on fire while citizens try to burn Wall Street.

'Storm'

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Escher flat-pack furniture

"OK, now I want everybody to put their hands together and make something with tools!"

"Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You OK in there?" "I think I'm dying here." "What? D'you need me to call 911?" "I don't think that'll help." "I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city." "Get off your phone!!!" "I'm saving a kingdom here! It's important!"

"It's your turn, kid."

We have enough money to build it, but nothing left for furniture. Never start something you can't furnish!

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

Droplet with a pencil.

'Underground cartoonist'

'This is my toughest soldier -- He's been through Mom's vacuum cleaner eight times!'

'I see you opened it yourself, but there'll still be a service charge.'

'Forget what it looks like now. Think of what it will look like after you've put 10 years of loving care and back-breaking labor into it.'

Once a pirate always a pirate!

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

Husband - 'Honey, the Vandamyer's are here!' Wife - 'I'll be down in a minute dear! I'm just polishing my nails.' (Woman polishing metal nails).

'Why don't you put that little black belt thingy to good use, and karate chop me a couple of shelves for the hall closet!'

Apparently she's building a 'red room of pain'....

Convert your lawn tractor into a hot-looking 'sports car' and save hundreds a year on insurance!

"Go and kill everyone in Ikea!"

'We come in pieces.'

"He's making a retirement statement - he's burning all his DIY books."

"I don't know which soundbar the neighbor is using, but I wish they would turn it down a bit."

"I didn't learn any more than she did...and my junk worked!"

Pulling a Sickie.

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Building a treehouse may be harder than I thought.

Guys, I'm afraid to fall asleep. What if I have another nightmare that Anderson Cooper is taunting me? Take that, fancy anchor man.