Diy Defenders Gifts

'Storm'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

Putting Practice.

Kiwi Ingenuity

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

'How are you doing on your side?'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"OK, now I want everybody to put their hands together and make something with tools!"

"It's your turn, kid."

We have enough money to build it, but nothing left for furniture. Never start something you can't furnish!

'I see you opened it yourself, but there'll still be a service charge.'

'This is my toughest soldier -- He's been through Mom's vacuum cleaner eight times!'

'Underground cartoonist'

'Forget what it looks like now. Think of what it will look like after you've put 10 years of loving care and back-breaking labor into it.'

"Betty, I'm dying to see what you've knitted me for my birthday."

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

Door to door salesman sees sign: 'We have everything.'

'Why don't you put that little black belt thingy to good use, and karate chop me a couple of shelves for the hall closet!'

Husband - 'Honey, the Vandamyer's are here!' Wife - 'I'll be down in a minute dear! I'm just polishing my nails.' (Woman polishing metal nails).

Convert your lawn tractor into a hot-looking 'sports car' and save hundreds a year on insurance!

"I don't know which soundbar the neighbor is using, but I wish they would turn it down a bit."

"He's making a retirement statement - he's burning all his DIY books."

'We come in pieces.'

"Go and kill everyone in Ikea!"

"I've covered my throat with an extra hot mix of wasabi and chilly paste: he got a nasty shock when he went for my jugular..."

One way of making sure your sandwich bag stays securely closed.

Pulling a Sickie.

"It's homemade."

'All of those 'home lawyer' books are really beginning to take their toll on our business.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Building a treehouse may be harder than I thought.

"I didn't learn any more than she did...and my junk worked!"