Divorce Diva Gifts

Second marriage vows.

'We were married before, and now he wants a rematch.'

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

I could have danced all night!

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"The weatherman said dress for the mid 70's. Bob was elated." "Much. Too. Sexy."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

'I'm too hot to trot.'

Balancing work and family

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Ironing day.

"I had to skip my workout."

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

The last song before the party exploded.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Dancing at the Clubs.

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

Disco Bunny.

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'