Divine Pun Lover Pillows

Moses parts the sea causing Jesus, who is walking on water, to fall

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

Copycats

Zombie standup

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

Backfire

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Cut Price

'Do you have any catsup?'

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."