Divine Pun Lover Gifts

Moses parts the sea causing Jesus, who is walking on water, to fall

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

"Staff support"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Copycats

Zombie standup

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

Cut Price

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

'Do you have any catsup?'

Backfire

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

"That's it. We’re toast."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"