Philosophical Pun Lover Gifts

''Guilty or not guilty'? -- Who are you, Aristotle?'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

"Think about the honey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"You've passed with extinction!"

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

A Brain Drain

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'Is there a God? God knows...'

Literate Dogs.

Hotness

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

'You give me goose bumps!'

'My doctor wants me to watch what I eat, so I'm here for glasses.'

Hell's Schlegel

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

The static electric eel is very rare.

Larry's Literary Market.

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'