Divine Musings Gifts

God holds a present above a child's head

'If God tells you what to say in your sermon, why do you make so many corrections?'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

An amplified harp

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A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

2pm meet your Creator

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'We know it's good...we had an excellent ghost writer.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

Jesus wept

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

Big Medium

'Do you ever wish the Big Bang would have been just a little bigger?'

'It's true that the meek were intended to inherit the Earth, Mr. Osgood, but we have you classified as 'apathetic.''

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

'My son was nailed to the cross and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.'

'I'd like to enlighten you, but what if you're just illusory?'

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

"Is that before or after tax?"

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

'Born again bees

"No, your body is actually alive and well back on earth - your mind has just arrived at the gates of blissful dementia."