Celestial Musings Gifts

Ken wandered home wondering what the lunar new year would bring. . . like every other man and his dog.

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

A man looks up at the earth

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

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'Things just haven't been the same around here since people starting saving files in the cloud.'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'I think that's always how it's been!'

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

"I've been asked to dance on the head of a pin" "Yeah, you and an infinite number of others."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

New Years Reolutions

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

Valuation of Heaven

"No, your body is actually alive and well back on earth - your mind has just arrived at the gates of blissful dementia."

"And on the eighth day, the Lord just puttered around..." "That cloud doesn't belong there. Did I do that? I'd better move it..."

'I miss the evildoers.'

"Why should I feel small? I've just been put in charge of the whole Eastern region."

'You're dead. But don't worry ? it sounds a lot worse than it is.'

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

'If God tells you what to say in your sermon, why do you make so many corrections?'

"We're thinking about getting a little pied-a-terre in hell."

'Move over!'

"I guess I can’t prove I exist either."

"Of course - I believe in the Great Spin Doctor in the sky!"

"The universal remote. That's how God rules the universe."