Divine Dissatisfieds Gifts

"Free wifi and unlimited refills are nice, but frankly, I expected more."

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

2pm meet your Creator

An amplified harp

Airports.

"If we went to war, wouldn't God be on the spot?"

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

How's my Sermon . . .

''Adam and Eve'? -- then You're going ahead with the dualism idea?'

If Peter had only interpreted Jesus' words literally...

'My son was nailed to the cross and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.'

'It's true that the meek were intended to inherit the Earth, Mr. Osgood, but we have you classified as 'apathetic.''

New Years Reolutions

Rock Climber and Angel Selfie

Magazine Stand at the Pearly Gates

A leap of faith.

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

"Oh shit! What have I done? Undo key! Undo key!"

'If God tells you what to say in your sermon, why do you make so many corrections?'

"It has a nice, divine quality without being overly liturgical."

Angels aren't lackeys - do thine own work.

"Ooh, get the quantum theorist hiding behind that tree."

Moses with the Ten Commandments on a Ski Lift

"Somehow I thought we'd be done with all that."

'Now they're praying for the Sun to stand still - You really should have told them more about physics.'

'THAT'S the Holy Land? - You're kidding, right?'

'And God created man in his own image.'

Photograph from Heaven.

You Are Entering God's Country. A Pearly-Gated Community.

"Welcome to heaven! Will that be cash or credit?"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

Heaven under new management

'As it turned out, I was in the group that received nothing but a placebo the whole time.'

Reviewing Earth

'They like the manna, but they're afraid you're fattening them up for something.'